Hidden
by missme233
Summary: Clary has been trapped in a house with her abusive father her entire life. but then one day, everything changes and she is Whisked away and thrown into society. but how can she handle this when her isolation has lead to mental illness? will she be able to survive? and what effect will a certain boy have on her messy life... (Suck at summaries, but please give it a chance!)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! So if you are a current reader of my story what you don't know, Welcome to this new story! I'm so excited! But if you are new to my stories, WELCOME! Just a quick warning I write very dark, angsty, psychological stories, so if you are sensitive to that sort of stuff, then this may not be the story for you.**

**Before I begin, I would like to send out a huge thanks to all my supporters. Also an equally as large thank you to Supernaturalwitch, who has been helping me figure out some of the details of the story such as Clary's mental illness. Thank you so much for everything!**

**But other than that I hope you guys really like this story. It may start out kind of slow but it will get better! Also I'm going to try and make the chapters in this story longer, but key word is try!**

**Anyways I really don't have much to say other than enjoy and review!**

**Song: to kick us off lets do "Prelude 12/21" by AFI. Its short but great.**

**So here goes!**

**Oh ya! DISCLAIMER I don't own Cassie Clare's story TMI.**

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**Chapter 1: Prologue**

Life is crap. You grow up with unrealistic expectations given to you by fairytales, but things like that don't happen. I always compared my life to the one of rapunzel. Trapped in a tower with an evil queen, awaiting my prince.

But I wasn't pretty, my hair was curly and red, instead of a queen I had an abusive father, and there were no princes.

I sat on my computer, finishing up typing my research report for one of my classes and turning it in to my online teacher. I sighed, shutting the old hand me down laptop and tossing it gently on to the floor, flopping back on the old, dirty, ripped up green sheets that smelled of alcohol and dirt. Closing my eyes and dreaming of better days.

I let the cold air of the fan on my ceiling hitting my exposed skin in icy blasts, causing me to shudder.

Annoyed by the silence I rolled out of the bed, stretching my wiry limbs out and tip toeing over to the window, not wanting the creaking floor to awake my father who I knew was asleep on the couch beneath me. I leaned on the window sill, looking out at the world in front of me. I sighed. I wanted to be a part of it. It wasn't much, especially this small town, but I yearned to escape this rickety old house. But I was fully aware as long as my father was alive, this house would be my prison.

I looked down to the concrete ground. When I was a little girl, I used to lean my head out a window, hoping a prince would come and climb up my curly hair. But now all I did was observe.

A little boy on a tricycle came in to my sudden vision. A slightly older boy on a scooter was trailing close behind him. His brother, I assumed. I always kind of wanted a sibling, my whole life it had just been me and dad. But if I had a sibling, well, I wouldn't have to be so alone.

Suddenly a loud screech snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked down to see the little boy on the ground, blood gushing out of his knee, his brother assisting him. I was kind of jealous of the child. I mean yeah I felt bad he was injured, but I was jealous of his freedom. When I was a child my life consisted of sitting in my room reading books all day, only watching the children play. I never got to experience any of that.

I remember one time when I was six, my father was asleep on the couch, a half empty beer bottle sitting limply in his hand. I had put on jeans and a t-shirt and my thrift shop purple sketchers. I tiptoed out the door and across the street to a group of kids about my age playing in a sandbox. I had walked up and greeted them. They turned to see who was approaching them, but their eyes widened in shock and they cringed away when they caught sight of me.

It was then that I realized that my skin, which was pale and scattered in cuts and bruises, was not normal. They all had perfect flawless skin and nice clean clothed, as opposed to my rags.

I was about to ask if I could play when a forceful hand was grabbing my arm and pulling me back to the rickety old house, stuffing me in a corner and kicking me.

A week later a social worker came to visit. My father had since then taught me how to put on makeup over my cuts and cleaned the house, obviously expecting her visit. She waved me off as just another clumsy kid and left. We had received multiple visits since, yet no one ever noticed how broken I really was.

I took a deep breath, resting my chin on my palm and watching the siblings outside. They looked up, fixating their eyes on me curiously. I gave them a small wave and the older boy quickly hurried his little brother down the street. I didn't blame him. I would be scared too. All the kids on the block were scared of my house. And honestly, I was too.

The wooden house was severely outdated. The wood creaked as you took a step and the paint outside was chipping. Weed's scattered the yard which was filled with dead plants and the old pickup that barley even ran. The only person that ever left the house was my father, but everyone was aware of the ghost-like girl that watched the world from the upstairs window.

My thoughts were disturbed by the creaking of the stairs as someone stomped up them. I snapped around just in time to see my drunken father slam my door open, knocking it off the hinges as it usually did when he burst in.

I stood there calmly, this was an every day thing so I was completely used t it by now. He glanced down to my computer sitting on the floor beside my bed.

"Well?" he demanded, booming voice. "Are you finished."

I nodded and he took a few strides towards me, pushing me back.

"Answer me!" he shouted.

"Yes!" I choked out.

The corners of his mouth rose into a despicable smile, pure evil shone in his eyes. "Good."

He grabbed my by my hair and forcefully threw me on my bed, tearing my raggedy clothed into pieces. I didn't fight back. It was useless. I just simply laid there, waiting for it to be over. I wish I could say it was all a blur, but everything was always crystal clear.

This stuff had been going on for as long as I could remember. It was all I've ever really known. I've been living solely with my dad since I was three, when my mom died. She was hit by a car on her nightly jog. I never even got to say goodbye to her. I could have sworn I had a brother too, but I had a feeling it was all just a part of my imagination. He never allowed me to attend school, I grew up home and online schooled. Whenever I asked why, he responded it was due to the fact that I was different than all the other kids.

He pulled himself off of me, punching me a few times before leaving my room. I laid there, tangled in the gross blood-stained sheets. My clothes were in ragged piles on the floor, and the only thing protecting me from the harsh chill of the dark room was the bits of grimy cloth draping over bits of my skin.

I did all I could to keep the tears from spilling out my eyes and down my cheeks, but my attempts failed as usual. I silently sobbed, rivers of salty liquid streaming down my scarred skin. I hated this. I hated the fact that I was punished with this life, that I was chosen to endure this torture.

I don't know how long I was curled up on the mattress crying before the darkness overtook me and I was transferred into the world of dreams. Or in my case nightmares.

I was sadly used to nightmares. I didn't get much sleep, but when I did, it all began with dark, crimson, blood. Tonight I was floating in the middle of the blood, my porcelain skin standing out in the river of red. Everything was dark, and soon I was being pulled under. Claws thrashing at my skin and tearing the fragile tissue apart with sharp talons. I looked down, watching the blank canvas turn into a masterpiece of red slashes, the demon looking me in the eyes, it's ruby red ones sparkled, filled with pure evil. And then a talon grew, rapidly getting longer and sharper before plunging straight into my chest. Unable to scream, red began to creep into vision, and the black demon transformed into the blurry but familiar figure of Valentine Morgenstern, my father. A wicked smile playing on his face.

Then everything was white and I jolted upwards in a panic, sweat dripping down my forehead and the dry blood crumbling as I suddenly moved. I looked around to study my surroundings.

I was laying in the familiar white room. The walls covered in dirt, various posters and photos that stood no meaning to me were scattered on the wall to cover holes created by my fathers abuse. The black velvet curtains were closed shut, leaving the room pitch black with the exception of the light shining through the small crack in the curtain and my open door.

I pushed myself off the bed, untangling myself from the flurry of ripped cotton, my feet softly landing on the wobbly wooden floor. I tiptoed over to my dresser, pulling out clean underwear, jeans, and a black t-shirt, clutching the items to my chest as I ran across the hallway straight into the blindingly white bathroom. I slammed the door shut, locking it and throwing the pile of clean clothing onto the floor. I turned the knob in the tub on and pulled the plug on the spout, allowing water to come pouring out of the showerhead above me.

I studied myself in the mirror as I waited for the water to heat up. I had translucent white speckled skin. My hair fell in curly red knots down my back, falling past my shoulders and just past my basically non-existent chest. My green eyes were blank. They showed no emotion and were dull. No vibrancy in them whatsoever. My skin was speckled with cuts and bruises. Dry blood painted the surface from the night before. I was short and skinny, too skinny. Though I never truly felt it at all. For some reason I always felt like a whale, despite my only weighing 92 lbs and the fact that my bones jutted out in every which way.

I sighed as I took note of the steam quickly filling up the room, fogging the mirror and distorting my vision. I climbed into the shower and allowed the burning shards of water to drench my skin. Droplets of water burned trails down my skin. I didn't care that the water was probably leaving red burn marks on my already ugly patchwork skin. But that was the thing. It was already ugly so there was no sense in attempting to repair it. And what couldn't be fixed, well, why not just break it even more.

I stood up on my tip toes, reaching for the green plastic container sitting on the windowsill above my shower. I stared at it, gently cradling it in my hands before popping it open with a shaky hand. The silver objects in the container glittered in the small amounts of light that reached them, droplets of water scattering their glimmering surface. I steadily reached in, choosing one of the objects and pulling it out of the box, shutting the container and setting it on the side of the tub.

I shrunk down to the bottom of the porcelain tub, gently holding the object in my palm, tears dripping down my cheek. And mixing with the warm shower water, I glanced down at my arms. Thin lines scattered up and down them. Some were still new and red, others white and fading.

I stretched my arm out, taking the object, a sharp razor blade, and dragging it against my skin. A gasp escape my lips as the blade opened a wound, causing blood to drip out , down my arm, and onto the white tub to be washed away by the oncoming flow of water. I did this again and again, adding to the already crowded gallery of cuts until I began to feel light headed.

I cleaned the blood off the razor and set it on the edge of the tub. Remaining on the floor, I pulled my knees into my chest, curling up in a ball on the floor of the dirty white tub, resting my chin atop my knees. Staring blankly ahead of me.

I let time escape me. Clearing my mind of all thought the best I could. Tears occasionally dripping down my cheek. I ignored the stinging of my arm as I sat there. I wished I could die. I was too scared to do such an action. I've tried but all my attempts have failed. It's like the universe wants me to live in never ending suffer.

The water soon turned icy cold and I snapped up to my feet. I returned the blade to it's box and put it back up on the window ledge. I fiercely scrubbed at the dry blood until my skin was free of the crimson red stains. I washed my hair and used the bar of dove soap to wash up. Once I was satisfied I shut off the water and got out of the bath, reaching for a towel that had long lost all it's softness and had cigarette holes burned into It.

I dried off quickly and threw the clothes I had grabbed on before combing the tangles out of my hair and smoothing the now semi-smooth red curls back into a pony tail. I wiped the fog off the mirror. I wasn't pretty. I knew that. My dad was constantly telling me so. But it wasn't a lie. It was the truth.

I sighed and shuffled out of the bathroom and padded gently down the stairs. My body aching with each step.

I stopped when I reached the ground floor, studying the small living room in front of me. Beer bottles were scattered around the room. Boxes of half eaten pizza stacked and a naked man, my dad, laying on the couch. The tv playing the morning news.

I grabbed a trash bag from the kitchen and began throwing away the garbage. I put the leftover pizza in a plastic container and set it in the black fridge. I threw a blanket over my dad and shut the television off.

I grabbed an apple, taking a few nibbles out of it before disposing of it and running up the stairs to get a start on my schoolwork before my dad woke up demanding help with the chores. Meaning I did everything as he watched re runs on TV. It was the same every single day. Wake up. Shower. Clean up after my dad. Start school. Do chores, get him off to his landscaping business. Work on school. Hear him come home and start drinking. Wait. Abuse. And repeat. Repeat. Repeat. For the rest of my life. Until I finally gathered the courage to put it to an end.

I wanted things to change. I really did. But I knew they wouldn't. there was no sense in dreaming because dreams. They don't come true. No matter how crappy our lives were. So no matter how much I wanted things to change. They wouldn't. and it was all just a matter of accepting that.

But boy was I wrong. Because little did I know….

Everything was about to change.

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**Voila! I really hope you guys like this! If you have any disagreements let me know, I want your opinion on weather or not this story catches your eye! I hope it does! it may not be my BEST work, but i hope it's satisfactory for a first chapter.**

**I will update this in the next few days (If anyone likes it of course), but What you don't know will probably be updated first, either tomorrow or Wednesday, so look out for that too! (if you read it)**

**Omg guys as im writing this im watching COB and its at the garden scene and idk why but I started crying and ya idk why but I wanted to share that. Hahaha. Ya.**

**Please review your opinion, it makes me smile!**

**Sooo MAKE ME SMILE AND REVIEWWW!**

**~Karissa**


	2. Chapter 2: Shattered Glass

**Hi everyone! So I got some great reviews on the first chapter and I'm happy people like it! I decided to update tonight cause I really wanna get a good start on this story! I am honestly glad people like this story so far and I promise it will continue to get better! And a quick message to What you don't know fans, I am going to update soon, either tomorrow or Friday, I promise!**

**Anyways I don't have much to say, im watching tangled as I write so this may take me a while.. Ha. Anyways keep up the great reviews and if you ever need anything just PM me!**

**Song: "New Horizons" By flyleaf**

**Here goes!**

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**Chapter 2: Shattered Glass**

Blood. My blood. My crimson red blood pooled beneath my hand onto the floor, oozing out of the gaping gash on my hand from the broken bottle.

I heard the quiet murmur of the television coming from the living room, and the clank of bottles as my dad gulped them down. I sighed. I was laying on the grimy tile of my kitchen. I searched my mind to remember the events that had caused me to be left bleeding and unconscious on the floor.

Ah ha! I was making dinner- spaghetti with white sauce- and my father came pounding in, still in his dirty work clothes. He got mad because he didn't want spaghetti, and well. Beat me up with a half broken beer bottle. I looked down at my stomach to see my shirt ripped off, leaving me in simply my bra and a pair of black sweatpants. The pale flat skin was covered in red, jagged circles. Marks from my father pressing the bottle into my skin.

I looked over to the glass door that lead into my backyard. The icy gray sky causing the already gloomy scene to appear even more depressing. The dead grass in the yard was covered in a thin layer of frost. I sighed, no snow yet. I always loved the snow, how pure and white it was. The coldness that electrocuted through my body when my fingers brushed against it. It kind of, strangely, reminded me of myself. Pure, but easily tainted. I always ran outside at the first sight of the flurry falling from the sky, allowing the flakes to fall upon me, dotting my skin and tangling itself in my hair. But no snow yet.

I pushed myself up off the floor, using the counter to grab onto. I shuffled my way carefully up the stairs and to my room. I filed through my drawers, pulling out a ribbed black tank top and slipping it on. I threw my hair up into a bun and headed back to the door of my room, turning to look out the window before I continued downstairs to clean up the mess my father had created.

The first thing I saw was the bright lights strung around the house across the street and the ones surrounding it. Sparkling snowmen and reindeer and Santa's dotted the yards in a festive manner. I could spot large, decorated Christmas trees through the window's, presents spilling out from beneath them.

I, personally, have never experienced a real Christmas. The most I ever got was a night without my father abusing me. He wasn't pleasant, but he didn't hurt me. That badly at least.

I should be grateful I get at least that. I mean it sucks, but I should. I always wanted a real Christmas though. To wake up to a cheery decorated house, a large green sparkling tree, crisply wrapped presents piled around it.

But that wasn't going to happen. I lived this life. And there was nothing I could do.

I sighed and headed downstairs and began to sweep up the mess.

I hummed tunes that I had found on the internet. I wasn't quite sure what people my age were interested in, but I personally had become fond of bands like AFI, Florence + the machine, Shinedown, the XX, Bright eyes, and Nirvana.

I was sweeping the floor when a knock on the door startled me, interrupting my humming of an XX song. I jumped up with a squeal, dropping the broom onto the floor. I bolted to the door, peeking through the peek hole.

A woman was standing on the porch. She was tall and skinny, age marking her face. She had brown hair slicked back into a pony tail. Her eyes were the same shade and her skin a dark tan tone. She wore black pants and a navy blue coat with black heeled shoes. After a moment she knocked again, this time harder and more impatient.

I took a deep breath, cracking open the door and peeking my face out just a tiny bit. "hello?" I quietly whispered.

"hello. You must be Clary." how the hell did this lady know my name?

I took a few deep breaths, steadying myself before speaking again. "And who are you?"

The woman snapped to life. "Oh! My name is Mirelle Wilder. I'm from Child Services, I'm just here for your ordinary routine check."

My eyes widened in shock. "U-um now isn't a good time. My dad's sick." I lied.

"Oh I won't be but a moment." Ms. Wilder assured. "I just need to come in, have a look at things, and then you will be free to go on about your night."

I took a deep breath, stepping back and away from the door quietly, leaving it cracked open, I didn't know what to do. Come on Clary think. Oh right. "Just let me get my dad and th-"

I was interrupted by the woman pushing the door open and walking inside, shutting the door behind her. She looked me up and down. Then examined the messy house with bottles laying around and shattered glass scattered on the floor. Then her eyes returned to my beaten self. "What happened."

I searched my mind for an excuse. "I fell down the stairs." I quickly rushed out, sighing after I had said it.

She nodded, obviously not believing a word I said. "Where is your father." without a word I led her to the living room where my dad was snoring on the couch, a beer bottle in his hand and various others scattered around him.

Mirelle walked over to my father, shaking him until he woke up in a confused, drunken haze. "Hello Mr. Morgenstern."

"Who the fuck are you?" he demanded harshly.

"my name is Mirelle Wilder. I'm from CPS." his eyes widened in shock.

"Oh.." he searched for the correct words to say. "We weren't expecting such a late visit, I apologize for the mess." he smiled, standing up, acting overly nice towards the lady.

"Show me around." she stated, causing him to nod. "Stay here Clary."

I sat down on the couch in response, waiting for the two of them to return. Shit this was bad. I shouldn't have let her in. I should have shut the door and got my dad, allowing him to stall while I cleaned up. I was either going to be saved or beat badly. I hoped for the first. But I was also terrified of it.

This Is all I've ever known. And if I was pulled out of this house, what would happen? No one would want such a fucked up teenage girl. I would most likely be thrown into abusive foster homes and neglectful group homes. And for some odd reason, I much preferred this. At least I was used to this.

"well.." I snapped up to see Mirelle walking in, my father trailing behind her. She was typing something on her phone. "I'm Sorry to bother you. I best be going."

And then she was gone.

"You fucking little bitch!" my father shouted, throwing me against the wall. "you're lucky I am such a peoples person!" and then he kicked me. Over and over. Until my vision started to blur and my head was light. Then there was a large banging sound. I snapped my eyes open, focusing on the door and the commotion happening near it.

"Police!" several armed men in navy uniforms piled into the room, aiming their gun's at my father.

"Hello Mr. Morgenstern." Ms. Wilder came into view, arms crossed. "You thought I wouldn't notice all of this huh?"

"You Bitch!" he shouted as an officer handcuffed him, informing him that he was being arrested for abuse of a minor and reading him his rights as they pushed him out. He shouted some other things that I couldn't hear due to the fact that he was already out the door.

A female officer and Ms. Wilder were at my side, helping me up.

"It's okay Clary," Ms Wilder comforted, wrapping a blanket around me and escorting me out the door. "You're safe now."

I don't remember much after that besides being put in the back seat of a white shiny car, laying down on the bench and feeling the tears escape me before darkness enclosed me.

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I awoke on a plush blue couch, the events from the night as clear as crystal. I sat up. Rubbing the bits of crust from my eyes and looking around. I was in a small room that contained a couch, two similar chairs, a table with water on it, and a window exposing a hallway, people buzzing past.

I curled up, rocking myself back in fourth until Mirelle walked into the room, escorted by two female police officers.

They sat down in the chairs, and mirelle sat on the couch beside me and they began asking me questions about my life. And strangely I felt myself compelled to tell the, and I did. There was really no sense in rejecting everything, it would only make things worse.

I told them about the abuse, the rape, the isolation, everything. It took most likely took multiple hours. I was terrified. I didn't know what was going to happen and how the rest of my life was going to work out. I didn't know how I would get my things, or where I would go to live. The only thing I was sure of was that nothing would ever be the same again.

Once all the required questions had been asked, the officers retreated from the room leaving me alone with Mirelle, who was now in a grey skirt, a matching grey blazer and a blue and white thinly striped button up top.

We sat in an awkward silence. I was slowly taking sips of water from a class cup and Mirelle sat beside me, studying my every move. Finally she broke the silence. "Do you know how long you slept for Clary?"

I shrugged. "A few hours…?"

The woman shook her head. "Almost two days Clary. You must have been pretty tired." I nodded. "Understandable. I see this a lot. Abuse can be… exhausting."

I nodded again, contemplating asking the question that was pressing against my mind.

The silence returned. I avoided all eye contact, staring down at the almost empty class cup, my pale and sweaty hands clutching it tightly. I felt a drop of sweat drip down my pale and scarred skin as a pair of deep brown eyes bore deeply into my skull.

I snapped my head up, deciding to be the one to rupture the silence this time. "What… what's going to happen to me?"

She sighed, sitting back and crossing her legs. "Well.. Your dad will be put in Jail." I nodded, not a surprise.

"Foster home?" I almost silently questioned.

"Why would you go in a foster home?" she asked. Now I was confused.

"M-my mom's dead." I murmured, looking down at my hands.

Her brows furrowed. "Clary is that what your dad told you?" I nodded. "Clary your dad lied." then she stood up and I watched her walk over to the door and crack it open, waving to a woman sitting on a bench outside the room. The woman came in and the door shut, Mirelle standing beside it.

I studied the woman in front of me, her small mouth was gaping open, dark green eyes fixated on me. She was short, but not as short as me, she was probably about 5"4. Her hair was a dark brown red color and fell down her shoulders in tamed, smooth curls. Her skin was light like mine, but I didn't see a single freckle dotting her flawless skin. She wore light jeans, black flats, and a paint splattered red t-skirt covered with a black coat.

"Clary…" the woman spoke, gently running her fingertips along my cheekbone, causing me to cringe. She snapped her hand aware. "It's me… Your mom…"

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**Voila! It may be a little short and hopefully it didn't make the story move too fast, but I hope you guy's still like it!**

**MAKE ME SMILE AND REVIEWWW!**

**~karissa**


	3. Chapter 3: Welcome

**Hey guys! So I know I said I was gonna update what you don't know next… but idk I just really wanted to update hidden! So I promise to update WYDK tomorrow! But ya sorry it's been a few days since ive updated at all, but I have just been super busy, but I won't get into it.**

**I wanna take a moment to say thank you so much for all these great reviews! I'm happy so many people like it!**

**Anyways, I don't have much else to say, so enjoy the update!**

**Song: "Fantasy" by the XX**

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**Chapter 3: Welcome**

I stared blankly and shocked into the eyes of the woman, my mother, who was standing awkwardly in front of me. Her dark brows were furrowed and a bent arm was clutching a pin straight one tightly, a small smile lifting the corners of her lips.

And then I was running. I pushed past her and out the door, running down the hall and past a bunch of desks. There were people dressed in outfit's similar to Mirelle's scattering the building staring at me, not knowing what to do.

I desperately searched the building for an exit, I didn't stop running nor did I bother to look back knowing a police officer and Mirelle were following behind me. And perhaps my mother to. My mother.

I saw a pale blue door with a sign bolted on it. The small metal sign was decorated with a female figure and brail. A bathroom that would do for now. I pushed inside and ran down the row of pale blue stalls that matched the door until I reached the whit tile wall on the other side of the long florescent room. I slammed open the door of the stall on the very end and slammed it back shut again, locking it and sliding against the wall onto the floor.

I was too overwhelmed. My mother was alive. My father was in jail. I was going to live with my mother, my mother who I thought was dead. My mother who never came back for me, who left me with the monster known as my father. Feelings surged through me, anger, happiness, hatred, hurt, confusion. I didn't know what to think nor how to feel.

I curled up into a ball against the wall and started crying, trying my hardest to control my breathing. I sobbed as I gasped for air. Why was my mother here now? Was I going to live with her? Was she going to be as bad as my dad. I just… I couldn't take it.

A slam echoed through the tiled room. "Clarissa!" the shrill voice of Mirelle called out. I froze.

"Ms. Morgenstern!" an officer

"Clary…" my mother.

I tried to stay quiet, hoping they wouldn't find me, but the knock on the plastic stall door let me know that I had failed. "Clarissa I know you're in there." Mirelle stated. Fuck.

"Pleas Ms. Morgenstern.." the officer began "You need to unlock the door."

Silence. I choked back tears as I thought about what to do. I stretched out my bony arm up and towards the lock hesitantly. If I didn't unlock it I knew they would just find a way no matter what.

The lock clicked open and I snapped back into my ball of skin and bones. I slowly looked back up to gaze upon the people standing above me. The crisp brunette woman, the tiny redhead, and the woman in a police uniform, blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun. The three people stood above me, looking down at me.

Mirelle stepped into the stall, crouching down beside me. "Clarissa… It's going to be alright."

I violently shook my head, clutching the roots of my hair hard. She put her arm around me and patted my back.

"You don't have to go back to your father Clarissa I promise." Mirelle softly smiled.

I slowly looked up past the caring eyes of Mirelle to meet the sorrowful face of my mother. I did all I can to make eye contact with the redhead woman.

"Why?" I asked her.

"Wh- huh?" she snapped up surprised.

"aren't you dead?" I choked out. "I-I mean I thought you were…"

"No. your father Clary.. He lied." she said hardly. "I'm alive and… well… I want you to come live with me." a smile crept across her tiny, frail face and she took a tiny step towards me and the social worker.

"Clary.. If you would stand up and come to my office we can work this all out." Mirelle soothed beside me.

I didn't know what to say. I should feel overjoyed, I should say yes right then and there, that I want to live with my mother. But I couldn't help but be terrified.

Slowly and hesitantly I gave a small nod. I could just feel the bright, overly happy and excited smile creep upon Mirelle's face as she helped me up. Her arm gently laid around me and herded of out of the stall and through the tiled bathroom, down the hall and to an unfamiliar room. I sat down in a hard wooden chair that was sat in front of a desk. I looked around; studying my surroundings.

The room was small and rectangular, the south facing wall was long and housed a wooden door with wire protected glass, the glass was printed with the words 'Ms. Mirelle Wilder' in black paint. Beside the door a row of five wooden chairs identical to the one she was sitting in lined the wall. The east wall was shorter and housed a book case that was lined with books. The top was scattered with trophies and the wall above it hung shining golden plaques. The north wall was the same length as the south; it housed a row of filing cabinet's. the west wall was bare other than some framed degrees from a university I hadn't heard of. The floors were a simple cream color and the walls were a faded tan. In the center of the room was a desk with neat stacks of files on the left and a mac computer on the left. The center was bare and on the other side sat an official looking Mirelle, the police officer was standing stiffly behind her. There were two chairs on my side of the desk, one occupied by me and the other my mother.

"Clarissa your mother is your last, and closest, remaining relative that we were able to track down and that was eligible to care for you." Olivia spoke.

"Ms. Morgenstern," The policewoman began. "Ms. Fray, excuse me, I mean your mother's file has been reviewed and she is very capable of caring for you. We have inspected her home in New York and she has been caring for your brother well and there is plenty of room for her to take you in as well, her income is not very high but it is enough for her to comfortably care for you and your brother."

What? "Um, um.. Brother?" I questioned softly.

"Yes, brother." Mirelle spoke up.

My mother turned to me, a smile on her face. "his name is Jonathon. He's about two years older than you-he just turned 17-and he's wonderful. He would really like you."

So first I find out my mother was alive.. And now I have a brother? I didn't know what to think or how to respond.

"So Clary. We can have your things gathered and brought here and you can go to

Brooklyn with your mother. Or…." Ms. Wilder trailed off. "We can take have you placed in a girls home until we find a foster home to take you in."

"Clary," The red head began. "I want you to come live with me. I really do. Listen your dad told me you got sick and died years ago. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry he lied. But if it's too much… then you don't have to come."

I looked down to my hands. My thumbs twiddling like crazy. I didn't have much of a choice really. It was either endure the torture of moving from home to home, most likely living with people who would abuse me as my father did, or…

"Okay." I mumbled, barely audible.

"Great!" Mirelle beamed, pushing a piece of paper and a sharp yellow pencil [towards me. "Now if you could just write down the things you need from your fathers down here we will have the items retrieved. And Ms. Fray if you just sign these…"

I glanced down at the paper and pencil in front of me, blocking my mother, Mirelle, and the officer out as they went through a large stack of official looking papers. I attempted to form a list in my head of what I needed, but I couldn't come up with anything besides clothes, which was soon transferred onto the paper. I sighed. It was sad. I didn't really have any personal items. I'm sure most kids were able to add on at least a stuffed bear or a blankie or something… but for me there was nothing. I wouldn't even ask for clothes, but I didn't want to ask my mother to buy me all new ones when I had some that functioned perfectly fine back at my father's home. Other than that, I didn't want anything from that house.

"Are you done?" I snapped my head up to meet the waiting eyes of the social worker. I nodded. "That's all?" I nodded again. She sighed.

"Clary, sweetheart, if you just want me no buy you new clothes…" the redhead woman laughed.

I shook my head, eyes wide "No! I wouldn't want to trouble you…"

"Well if you insist…" the woman sighed.

I gave her a faint smile and looked up to Mirelle. "Um, when are we leaving?"

"I'm heading over to pick your clothes up and you are free to go then." Interrupted The cop on her way to the door. I nodded.

"Clary in the meantime your mother and I just need to wait for the department officiator to arrive so we can finish signing papers." Mirelle informed me.

"When will the officiator be here?" my mom asked.

"Any moment." Ms. Wilder smiled. "And Clary it's pretty boring stuff so if you would prefer to wait in the hallway, feel free to do so."

I nodded, wanting to avoid the extremely awkward atmosphere that was taking up the space. I stood up and made my way to the door. I stretched my hand out to the brass doorknob. My fingers had just barely brushed the cold knob when the door burst open. I jumped back with a squeal.

In front of me stood a woman most likely in her late forty's - early fifties dressed in a black and grey pantsuit. Her stern face was heavily made up in a desperate attempt to hide the wrinkles and spots showing her age on her face. She had dark brown hair that was fried from the countless amount of times she had curled it. Her eyebrows which were thin lined were furrowed over her dark brown eyes. She was frightening.

She gave me a rude glance before pushing past me and making her way over to the desk. "Let's get this started." she said in a crude voice.

I quickly bolted out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I ran to a wooden bench that matched the chair's in the office I was currently in and plopped down on it. I laid down on my back and stared at the speckled ceiling that was lined with long florescent lights.

I was terrified. Everything was about to change. I was being taken away from not just the house I grew up in, but everything I ever knew. I never even got to see Ohio... And now I was being taken to New York. And not even upstate but Brooklyn. The city where I wouldn't even have time to adapt to being around other people. that's another thing that terrified me. The only person I had ever truly been around was my father. And now I was being taken away by this woman who I found out was my mother yet I knew nothing of her. And I don't even remember having an older brother! It was just… too much.

I had closed my eyes and was trying to calm my breathing when I could sense my mother and Mirelle beside me.

I opened my eyes and sat up to face the smiling faces of the redhead and the brunette. A pale hand with specks of dried paint was outstretched towards me, I grabbed it and allowed her to pull me up. I was soon enveloped by a pair of arms. Mirelle pulled away smiling. "I'm happy for you."

I plastered a fake smile on my face. So this was it. My mother let go of my hand and we started to walk away. I waved goodbye to Olivia as I followed the woman carrying a small black suitcase which I assumed to be my clothes.

We passed more offices and people at desks all the way to a set of large metal doors. My mother opened one, using her only free arm to hold it open for me. I took a deep breath. This was it. I stepped forward into the shining light and into the outside world.

I looked around. I was standing in front of a large brick building on a small strip on concrete. Before me was a parking lot filled with all different sorts of cars. I trembled slightly as I caught glance of the cars on the road and the people walking on the sidewalk.

"You alright?" my mother asked from beside me. I nodded as a response. She smiled. "Okay, my car's right this way." I nodded and followed her down one of the isles, past SUV's, Van's and small car's where she stopped at an old truck. It was a rusty red and blue color.

The woman threw the bag into the bed and made her way around to the drivers side door, unlocking the door and hopping in. she put the key in the ignition and the car grumbled to a start. She reached over and popped the lock on the passenger door. I shuffled to the door and slowly creaked it open. I slid gently onto the black padded bench. The truck was obviously old. The radio was outdated and the windows were a bit foggy. The tears in the fabric were held together by silver, peeling duct tape. I settled in, buckling up my seat belt as the truck pulled out of the parking lot.

"Brooklyn here we come." my mom said with a smile. I laid my head against the window, realizing how exhausted I was I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the rumbling of the engine.

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When I woke up it was dark and the car smelt of hamburgers and French fries. I heard strange indie music playing on the radio and my mother was singing along to the words I couldn't quite make out.

I looked over to her and she cut off with a smile. "So you're awake. Hungry?" she reached over and lifted a paper bag with a logo on it that said the word "Wendy's". "I got you a cheeseburger and a small fry.. I wasn't sure what you like."

I shook my head. "No, but thanks anyways."

"Okay…" She said skeptically, eyes on the road. Then silence. The only sound being the engine and the music which I had noticed my mother had turned down the moment she saw I was awake. I felt like I had to say something, to break the silence. I mean, she was my mother after all and I didn't know a thing about her.

I took a deep breath, gathering up the nerve to break the awkwardness. "What's your name?"

She glanced over to me. "Huh?"

"W-well… you're my mother.. And I don't know anything about you or your life… and dad never mentioned your name… so…" I trailed off.

"Oh." She said with a "Well do you want me to tell you? About my life… I mean, it is about to become yours too." I nodded, a smile beginning to creep on my face. "Well My name is Jocelyn, Jocelyn Fray. I have been dating this guy, this is his truck we are borrowing. His name is Luke. Your dad and him were close friends. He loved you when you were born. I'm an artist. Your older brother Jonathon is a Jr. in high school, and well there's not much more to it."

I smiled, not knowing what to say. Thankfully the ring of a cell phone kept me from having to say a word. Jocelyn snatched up the ringing black box from beside her and looked at the name on the phone. "Speak of the devil." she muttered before clicking a button and holding the phone up to her ear, I watched closely as she spoke to the person on the other line. "Hello Jon… Yes I'll be there soon… Yes she's here… she's wonderful I think you will like her…. Is the spare room ready?…. Well make sure it is!… okay… no… Jon… Jonathon! Slow down…. No he cannot!…because I said so… Jon no is n- hello Jace …. I'm sorry but no… Jace because… you can come over tomorrow or sometime but for now you need to go home… do I need to call your mom? I have Maryse on speed dial… thank you Jace hand my son the phone please. Jon, make sure the house is clean okay? Jace needs to leave within the hour…. Okay bye, I'll be home soon so- and he hung up on me. Sorry about that, Jon can be stubborn, Jace as well. That's his best friend. He's… interesting. You will meet him at some point, he practically lives at our house half the time. And Jon at his."

I smiled and looked out the window beside me, letting my mind go completely blank for who knows how long, trying to stop the thoughts of terror running through my head.

"Clary, look." I looked up and followed my mothers gaze out the windshield. We were on a bridge, water surrounding us. And on the other side were lights.. Bright lights decorating huge buildings, a flurry of cars moving Slowly. I saw a streak of light, the rising sun, outlining the sight in front of me. "Clary… Welcome to New York."

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**Voila! Ok sooo I know it's not much and it's pretty long but still I hope you like it! I promise it will get more exciting soon!**

**Anyways it's like 3am and I have school at 7am tomorrow… so… im gonna go to sleep! Night lovelies and enjoy!**

**MAKE ME SMILE AND REVIEW!**

**~Karissa**


	4. Chapter 4: The Bright Place

**Okay hi! sooo i know it's pretty early for another update seeing as i just updated WYDK... but i was in a strange writing mood and really wanted to update again so out came this chapter! I probably won't update for a few days, i'm not sure when but I guess we will just have to see! **

**anyways thank you for all the great reviews annnddd ENJOY!**

**Song: "Free Tonight" Divided By Friday **

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**Chapter 4: The bright place**

I watched the overwhelming city flash by in bright bits. People were flurrying around in both official and casual looking outfits. I knew just by looking at them I didn't fit in. Casual here was completely different from how I thought it to be. My casual was leggings and a sweat shirt, but here it was Expensive looking jeans and a sheer blouse. Everyone seemed to have neat hair and perfect skin, but my hair was a curly frizzy mess and my skin was scattered with bruises. And there were so many people. I was terrified.

"So what do you think?" I looked over to see Jocelyn smiling at me. "of the city that is. Do you like it?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. It was a total lie, but I couldn't tell her the truth. I mean, she's already taking me in on such short notice.

"Great!" she squealed. I was curious as to where hew house was. I mean, I didn't know much about New York other than it was a huge city full of skyscrapers. So that probably means she lives in a small apartment where I will be stuck on the couch. But in her phone call with her son- my brother- she had mentioned something about a spare room… so it must be some pretty big apartment she has.

I sighed and leaned my head against the window, watching the odd groupings of people walk past on the sidewalk a few lanes over as we slowly maneuvered our way through the mess of yellow cab's and occasional car.

I closed my eyes and listened to the indie tune playing on the radio. It was growing on me, actually. It was… unique. I hummed along to the tune I had been studying for the past few minutes and enjoyed the song, doing all I could to ignore the loud sounds of the city so early in the morning.

"Do you like this?" I opened my eyes and looked over to Jocelyn, giving her a nod. She smiled. "Good! Someone appreciates good music in the house now. Jon hates this stuff, all he ever listen's to is people playing random notes to the guitar and screaming. I don't even see how it's classified as music."

I giggled a bit at her comment to the music her son listens to. It's actually kind of funny and ironic seeing as I listen to that stuff on occasion as well.

I didn't know how much time had passed when I finally felt the truck pull to a stop and shut off. I opened my tired eyes and rubbed them awake, looking around me. We were parked in front of a block of brick houses all connected to each other in a row. The one we were in front of was three stories high. The door was painted green as well as the window sills. There were stairs leading up to the second level. The porch and flat brick railings on the staircase were lines with colorful plants in clay pot's that were painted with intriguing patterns, some bohemian some floral and some were just random. Each house had two designated parking spots in front of it, this one contained the truck and a plain looking black used car.

I stayed remaining in my seat as My mother got out of the car and retrieved my case from the trunk. She set it down at the bottom of the staircase and walked over to where I was seated. She opened the door and helped me out of the car, shutting the door as I stood there in front of the truck awkwardly staring up at the house.

"Welcome home Clary." my mother said with a smile. "Follow me."

I nodded and followed behind her as she carried my suitcase up the stairs. I stood behind her as she used her key's to unlock the green door, pushing it open and stepping inside. I stared at the gaping open door, wondering what to do. I was terrified, I had never been in any home other than the rickety old wooden home that I grew up in.

"Well come inside!" the redhead smiled, waving for me to come into the house. I took a deep breath and walked into the house.

The first thing I saw was a hallway with a line of shoes and a coat rack. I followed Jocelyn down the hall and into a living room. The whole floor was dark wood and the walls were simply painted tan. The living room had a flat screen T.V. and brightly colored furniture. Beside the room was a staircase, well, two staircases. One went up while the other went down. Behind the living room was a smaller room with double doors, a den I assumed. All I could see was a wooden desk. Light flooded into the floor from double glass doors that lead out to a porch with green paper lanterns hanging from the roof and a hot tub that was painted with sea-like designs.

A few feet from the bottom of the staircase was an archway leading to a kitchen with glossy white tiles. The cabinets were painted a bright blue and had white granite. On the far end of the kitchen in front of a bay window sat a circular light green table with four blue chairs surrounding it, an extra one was off to the side. It was… creative looking.

"Jonathan I'm home!" my mother shouted up the staircase, setting my suitcase at the bottom of it. "Come meet your sister!"

I tensed up as I heard steps bounding from the floor above me towards the stairs. I heard the thumping of a pair of feet running down the polished wooden stairs towards the bottom where we stood. I winced and ran to hide behind my mother when I saw the boy. He was lanky and tall with platinum blonde hair and pale skin. He had dark brown eyes that were almost black and sharp features. He wore dark jeans with a silvery chained belt and a black t-shirt. His feet were bare other than a pair of grey and white socks. It was my father. But younger.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked in a deep, confused tone.

"Oh, right." my mother said, biting her nail in a thinking manner. "Clary," she turned to me. "You don't need to be afraid. He may look like your father but-"

"I'm not like him at all." the boy butted in, a smirk on his face. "I'm Jon."

I peered out from behind my, our, mother and looked at the boy. His hand was outstretched and I could see he had a plain black tattoo on his forearm. The black ink formed some odd shape I didn't recognize.

I shrugged out a bit from behind the woman that didn't hide me well at all. I forcefully lifted up the corners of my mouth and gave him a small wave before simply muttering "Clary."

The room was filled with an awkward silence. I stared down at my feet, waiting for the silence to be broken.

It was weird… being in another house. I never imagined to feel this much at home in a place I had just walked into. It must be the fact that, unlike my dad's stiff home, this place was nicely decorated.

"Jon Why don't you take Clary's bag upstairs and I'll show her the rest of the house?" Jocelyn asked, breaking the silence.

The boy gave a smirk and grabbed the bag, lifting it up and carrying it up the stairs and out of sight. Jocelyn showed me the first floor which I didn't pay much attention to dude to the fact that I had examined it with my eyes earlier. We went out onto the porch where I noticed a staircase lead down to a simple squared off yard that contained a garden growing multiple fruits and vegetables as well as a grass belt. we went back inside and down the staircase to the bottom floor. It was a simple hallway with two doors, she opened the one on the right revealing a Irish looking master bedroom- her bedroom- and a large master bathroom. The other door opened into a large room with concrete floor and paint splattered walls. There were art supplies lining the wall. A sculpting station was set up on one side of the room and easels with half painted canvas' sat atop them.

"This is my studio." She informed me. "Do you like art?"

I gave her a small nod. I loved it. When I was bored I used to scavenge the house for paper and would fill each piece I found with sketches, and occasionally valentine would bring home paint's and I would watch you tube video's to learn to paint.

A smile grew upon Jocelyn's face. "I had a feeling. You're free to use anything in here, you just have to ask."

I gave her a smile and another nod before she shut the door behind her, moving on back to the stairs. There was a case that lead down to a closed door which she told me was the cellar and simply held items used for storage. Then we went up the stairs and to the third floor. The floor held yet another staircase which I was informed lead up to a roof which held some lawn chairs and nothing else, and three rooms. The room in the middle was styled to be what seemed like another den, but was modeled into what seemed to be where Jonathan probably hung out with his friends. It was painted a dark blue and had a light grey area rug covering the wooden floor. A dark grey couch sat in the middle facing the back wall, and a glass coffee table sat in front of it. The back wall held A large Flat screen T.V, speakers on either side of the screen, And a shelf below It with a DVR box, a DVD player, and some type of gaming stations with remote controller's sat atop it. The side walls held glass shelves covered in movies and games and CD's.

On each side of the Den-styled room was a door. The back door obviously lead to Jon's room, seeing as it was covered in stickers of band name's and 'JON' was painted down in in black lettering. Jocelyn lead me over to the room, opening the door and peering in. she stepped in and I peered in through the open door.

"You can come in." A male voice said. I stepped in slowly to see Jon Standing beside my mom. "This is my room… obviously."

I looked around the room, studying the room of the boy. It was painted a dark grey and the back wall held a window and a bathroom with black tiles and matching grey walls. The right hand side wall held two nightstands and a bed with jumbled up black sheets. The wall that also held the door held a black armoire with foggy sliding glass doors, clothing item's falling out from an open glass door. The room wasn't very large and was strewn with discarded CD's, the walls lined with Band posters. The wall to her left was unique though. It held a line of two electric and one acoustic guitars.

"D-do you play?" I asked him nervously.

"Ah so she speaks" he said with a chuckle, causing me to blush. The redness of my cheeks caused his chuckle to grow. "don't worry lil-sister, I'm just kidding. But ya, a little. Mom here likes to paint, I prefer to express myself through music."

I nodded in approval at the three nicely kept guitars. It was kind of cool actually. I always liked music but was never any good at playing it. Once when I was ten, dad thought it would be a good idea to make me musical, so he dug out an old clarinet and left me with an instruction video. I was horrible and he hit me on the head with the instrument so hard it broke.

"I'm going to show Clary her room now." Jocelyn smiled, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the front end of the floor, throwing open the plain wooden door and pulling me inside. "Now this is just the guest room, I didn't really have much time to do anything but I had my boyfriend Luke bring some things over to decorate it up a bit. If you want it redone at all just let me know."

I looked around the room, I actually really liked it. It was painted a medium shade green color. There was a bay window with a seat that was cushioned the same green as the wall and had blue and yellow decorative pillows. The curtains were a sheer yellow dark yellow color. Beneath the bench were bookshelves lined with a few books and the rest was empty space. The bed sat on the wall to the right of the door and was black wrought iron with a bohemian blue and green print that was mature looking, but also was well suited for a teenager. The bedside tabled were created out of wrought iron and the lamp's were glass with blue lamp shades. The bathroom sat on the same wall as the door and had black and white checkered tile, a single sink, a toilet and a bathtub that also held a showerhead. The walls were blue and the curtain was green. Finally there was a vintage wooden armoire on the wall to the left of the room.

It was nice, but due to the cleanliness and lack of decorative items it was obvious it was used as a guest room and hardly was ever used. It may have been bright, but I liked the colors.

"I-I like it." I stuttered after I had observed the room.

"You do!" Jocelyn exclaimed with a smile. "That's great!"

I wasn't quite sure what else to say. I had noted my black suitcase sitting on top of the bed and honestly just wanted some time to myself so I could unpack my things and have some time to myself, but it seemed rude to say something.

I was glancing around my new room when I was startled by the ring of a phone, causing me to jump. I looked to Jocelyn to see her pull out a phone and click a button before holding it up to her ear.

"Hey Luke, One minute." She said, taking the phone from her ear and turning to me. "So, I will just let you settle in now. I'll be downstairs if you need me and Jon should be in his room. Oh! And Luke dropped off some of his niece's old clothes, they're in the closet. I put some of my old stuff in there as well. It's not much but…" I nodded as she left the room resuming talking on the phone, shutting my door behind her.

I took a deep breath of relief the moment the door closed shut and I flopped down on the bed, staring up at the spinning fan on the ceiling. This was going to be hard, I can't even act like a normal human being in front of my own family. I mean sure I just met them, but I was terrified by them. I was scared they were going to hurt me. They seemed nice but what if it was just a charade? I needed to stop worrying somehow.

I stood up and unzipped the black bag, I walked over to the armoire and opened it up to see the clothes that had been left in there. My mother was correct, it wasn't much but it was still sweet. There were about ten articles. About three pairs of worn out jeans and the rest were an assorted arrangement of green, orange, and yellow tops and sweaters. I sighed. They may have been used but they were a lot nicer than my rags. I noticed that especially as I hung up the worn out clothing item's beside it. Once all the clothed had been emptied into the makeshift closet I left the suitcase next to the door and stood in the center of the room, all alone.

I felt my eye twitch. Of course it was starting to come back now. I have had an eye twitch on and off basically my entire life. It would go away and when I started to worry it would come back. And that's when I realized how worried I was.

Everything was different now. I was in this new home with a mother and brother I just found out I had and knew nothing about. What if they didn't like me? What if they only took me in because they felt bad for me? Or because they felt obligated? What if they hurt me? What if they make me go to normal school?

No, no stop it. Stop freaking yourself out Clary. It's going to be alright. But how did I know that? I didn't. I felt my breathing deepen and become uneven and uncontrollable. I began to sweat and felt as if my whole body was melting.

I stripped my clothes off and stumbled into the bathroom, turning on the cold water. My breathing was becoming more and more uncontrollable and I felt as if the world was caving in on me. I began raking through the cabinets until I found what I was looking for. I clutched the object in my hand and carried it to the shower with me, ignoring the fact that it was causing my hand to bleed uncontrollably, blood dripping out of my clutched hand and trailing behind me on the floor.

I climbed into the tub and let the cold water cool me off as I sunk down the wall to the floor of the tub. I opened my palm and dug the new, sharp blade out of my skin, not bothering to wince at the small amount of pain it caused. I rinsed my hand under the cold water and rinsing the blood off my palm.

I pinched the bland end of the blade in-between my thumb and pointer finger. I brought the razor blade down to my opposite arm and drug it against the skin a few times to create open gashes in my skin allowing my red blood to flow freely down my arm and onto the white tub, mixing with the falling water and rinsing it down the drain.

I laid back and sighed in relief, feeling free now that four open slashes now decorated my right arm.

I continued this two times on my left arm, four on my stomach, and three on my right leg. By now my arms, stomach and leg was covered in wet blood. I stood up and hid the razor beneath a bar of unopened soap and washed up quickly before getting out of the shower and drying off.

I didn't bother brushing my hair which was quickly falling into tangles and just simply threw it up into a messy bun. I shuffled into the green room and opened the armoire, pulling out underwear and a large sweatshirt, throwing them on and practically dragging myself over to the bed, crawling onto the bed and under the sheets, curling up into a small ball I began to cry. I laid there crying, thinking of how scared I was. I mean, of course I was happy to be free from the devil I called my father, but at the same time I wasn't so sure I could handle this. I didn't fit here. I wished I would, but I know I never truly will. I'm never truly going to fit in anywhere.

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**Voila! I really hope you guy's like it! It may not be the best but it's a good filler chapter! And I will give you a hint and say I am planning on introducing Jace in the next chapter, so stay tuned!**

**MAKE ME SMILE AND LEAVE A REVIEW!**

**~Karissa**


	5. Chapter 5: Loud Screams

**Hey guys! So I wasn't sure which story I was gonna update tonight since I updated both last time, so I decided on Hidden because it's just starting out. I wanna say thank you for all the great reviews, they mean sooo much to me!**

**I also thought I would let you know that I may not update too much this next week. Its my little sisters birthday this weekend and then this week she's having surgery so it's gonna be kinda hectic around my house, but I'll do all I can to update! Also in advance I figured I would tell you my updates may be a little sparse the end of may/beginning of june. I'm turning 16 and so I have my birthday, then finals, then I have to take my driving test and finally focus on getting a job so I can actually make money *insert laughing face here***

**Also I got asked a question a few chapters back and I meant to respond in the last chapter but forgot to, someone asked what time zone I live in and I live in Arizona which is on the West coast, so I think it would be pacific. I normally start writing pretty late so I don't post my updates until like 3am. So ya there now ya know!**

**Also guys, ive gotten some reviews asking if clary was being too normal, but remember she's just getting out and the story just began and so just wait!**

**Song: "Girl's not Grey" by AFI**

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**Chapter 5: Loud Screams**

I woke up screaming, clutching my hair with sweat dripping from my forehead. I curled into a ball, rocking back in fourth and practically pulling my hair out, inhaling and exhaling violently. I was gasping for air and it felt as if I were drowning.

There was a knock on the door and a male voice calling my name. I tried to tell the person I was okay, but the only thing that formed was another scream as flashes of crimson blood and remains of the nightmare flashed through my head.

The door burst open and Jon was standing in the doorway. I didn't flinch and continued gasping for air and rocking back and fourth as he ran over to the bed and sat beside me.

"Clary it's okay!" he soothed. I shook my head and growled, clutching even harder onto my hair. "Clary calm down!" I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut.

I felt something warm on each my shoulders, Gently shaking me. I snapped my eyes open to see Jon s hands clutching my shoulders. I let out a scream and ripped my body away, using my legs to kick him away, throwing him into the wall with a loud bang before rolling off the other side of the bed.

I hid behind the bed for what seemed like forever but probably wasn't even a minute before my breathing finally started to even out. I took a deep breath and peered over the bed to see the tall muscular boy dressed in dark colors picking himself up from off the floor. I watched him carefully with my eyes as he brushed himself off and turned to meet my eyes, causing me to squeal and duck back behind the bed.

"Clary." I popped the top of my head back up to see him standing there awkwardly.

"I'm s-sorry." I squeaked quietly, doubting it was hardly audible.

He chuckled. "It's okay. Sorry I scared you."

I gave him a nod, not moving from my spot on the floor. He didn't take his eyes off me, while mine darted nervously around the room, looking for a distraction. My eyes locked on the door and I shakily stood up and bolted towards it, but a gently hand grabbed mine, freezing me in place.

The owner of the pale hand turned me to face him. "Are you okay?" Jon asked. I nodded in response, not saying a word. "Okay. Well, I should probably tell you this now so I don't have to later but dinner will be ready soon, are you hungry?"

Food. No, I always had bad experiences with food. I remembered whenever I would eat too much my father would freak out because he thought it would "ruin my figure" and make me "not as fun in bed" so he would shove his fingers down my throat and force me to throw it up.

"Umm…" I said in a shaky voice.

Jon rolled his eyes. "I'm going to take that as a yes. It looks like you haven't ate in a while anyways. You kind of remind me of a twig.. I mean, no offense or anything."

I couldn't find an appropriate response to his rambling and settled on just nodding my head.

"Okay come on then. It; just you me and mom tonight. Spaghetti." he said with smile, turning to leave the room. I looked down at my body, I was only wearing a large sweatshirt and my bruised legs were completely exposed.

I shuffled over to the armoire and creaked it open, shuffling through the clothing items until I found a pair of navy blue sweat pants. I pulled them off their hanger and sat down on the floor, beginning to pull them on to cover my legs.

"You coming?" my head snapped up to see Jon peering on the doorway. I simply looked down to my legs and back up in response.

"Oh.. Right" he said awkwardly with realization. "Just.. Come down when you're ready." and then I was left alone in the room.

I finished shrugging on the pants and stood up. I shuffled into the bathroom and peered at myself in the mirror. I was a mess.

My tiny frame looked even smaller in the baggy pants and sweatshirt. The dark colors of the clothing made my skin appear extremely white and caused the bruises to stick out tremendously against the pale freckled canvas. My face was sticky with sweat, causing loose pieces of curly red hair from my frizzy ponytail to stick to my face. My eyes looked terrified and the dark bags beneath them caused them to look even worse.

In an attempt to fix my appearance the slightest I turned the faucet on and splashed cold water on it, using an oddly plush towel to wipe it dry. I sighed at the lack of improvement it caused and left the room, slowly shuffling to the kitchen.

I walked into the bright room to see Jocelyn and Jon already seated at the table, scooping red covered noodles onto their plates. I stood in the entry way not sure where to sit when the woman turned and smiled at me.

"Take a seat!" she piped up, gesturing towards one of the two empty chairs. I stared awkwardly between them for a few moments before choosing one next to my mom. I stared down at the empty plate, not sure what to do.

Suddenly a blob of noodles and sauce appeared on my plate, and then another on top of it. I looked up to see Jocelyn setting the spoon back in the pasta bowl and picking up a container of parmesan cheese.

"Want any?" she offered.

I shook my head and she set it back in it's place. I looked down to the mess of spaghetti on the orange glass plate. I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't eat it, that's for sure. I felt awkward eating in front of them, and food made me sick. I lifted my fork and poked at the noodles, listening to the conversation happening between the two people sitting at the table with me.

"Can the lightwood's come over tonight?" Jon asked, looking up from his plate.

"No!" Jocelyn shouted in response.

"Why nott?" the boy complained, shoving a fork full of food into his mouth.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Because, Clary just moved in and I don't think it's a good idea to have people around just yet."

"But it's a Saturday!" he stubbornly argued. "And we're just going to watch a movie, we won't even bother her."

"I don't care! No means no!"

He gave her a snarl. "But it's the only night we can do it until next weekend!"

"Yeah, and you go on break next weekend! You have two weeks to hang out with them." she sighed. "They can come over whenever they want over break and You hang out with Jace after school every day anyways."

"So.. I don't hang out with Izzy and Alec that much!" he argued. "Alec's always with Magnus and Izzy's always shopping or whatever the hell girls do."

"No." Jocelyn confirmed, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms. "You can go over there but they can't come here."

"we can't watch it there, Max is having a superhero movie night with some friends of his."

"Well that's just too bad then." she said with a raise of her eyebrows. "Clary," I snapped my head up and turned to her, eyes wide and eyebrows arched. "We need to talk about your schooling."

"W-What about it?" I shakily asked.

"Well, when we were signing the papers the judge and Mirelle both agreed it would be a good idea for you to go to public school." she told me.

"No!" I shouted in response. "P-Please don't- I'm not ready, I've just, please."

She smiled sympathetically. "I know, but I agree with them. You need to be around people Clary. You don't have to start until after break, I will let you finish the semester online, but you do need to go."

"Don't worry little Sis." Jon bumped in with a smile. "you're in tenth grade right? I'm in eleventh, we'll be at the same school and everything. If anyone try's to bother you, just tell em' who your big bro is."

I couldn't help but smile at this. It was… kind. I think so at least. The only kindness I ever knew was when my father would bring me home books to read. Other than that, The whole concept of kindness was completely alien to me.

The room had grown quiet and I peered down at the smashed up plate of spaghetti. It wasn't my best work but it certainly did give off the appearance that I ate some of it.

"Um…" I nervously shook, unnaturally breaking the silence. "Should I wash the dishes?"

The flawless redhead woman looked up with a smile. "Nah we just use the dishwasher here. Did you get enough to eat?" I bobbed my head up and down in confirmation. "Okay… Well then just throw your leftovers out in the garbage can beneath the sink, rinse it off, and then the -plate goes in the bottom rack of the dishwasher."

Wordlessly I stood up, picking the white class plate, which was overly ordinary as opposed to the rest of the house, in one hand and pushing the chair in with the other. I followed her directions before turning to face the table one more time, where Jocelyn sat tearing pieces off a breadstick and Jon Stared blankly at a blue iPhone, occasionally stuffing a large forkful of red coated noodles into his mouth.

I took a deep breath before speaking up. "D-do you want me to help clear the tab-"

"Clary!" Jon interrupted. "Don't worry it's your first day here. I got it! You just worry about settling in."

I nodded ferociously. "Thank you." and then I turned, running out of the kitchen, up the stairs and to the guest, I mean, to my room, an embarrassed blush spreading across my face. I sighed as the door shut behind me, thankful no one noticed the fact I didn't eat a single thing, and if they did no one said anything. I knew I would be hungry later. I would just have to sneak down and get some celery or something later. That's all I could really hold down, celery and pieces of fruit. More than that and I would just run to the bathroom and vomit what I just ate.

I looked around the room, my eyes resting on the bed. I shuffled over and crawled in, snuggling up beneath the fluffy covers and shutting my eyes. I watched the colors and shapes dancing sweetly across the blackness of my closed eyes. I imagined sweet classical music playing in the background and smiled at the show. But after a few minutes, it just had to change. The music began to transfer from the sweet melody to the harsh tones. The colors which had began so bright and vibrant became dark and dreary, and the shapes went from soft and sweet to sharp and violent. I crumbled at the change in tone and bolted up before the demons could appear from the shapes.

I took a deep breath and looked for a distraction to keep my mind from wandering into darkness. Normally I would pull out my laptop and search for movies to watch, but I left mine behind and the room didn't seem to come equipped with any sort of computer or tablet. I would draw, except there wasn't any paper. I could always go ask to borrow a sketchbook or something from Jocelyn, but I really didn't want to bother her. I could go downstairs except that could possibly lead to Jon trying to watch it with me.

Finally my eyes- and my thoughts- rested on the small shelf lined with a few books beneath the window seat. I pushed myself out of the bed, dragging a blanket and pillow with me. I threw the soft blanket and fluffy pillow on the seat and crouched down to examine the books.

All the books were classics, I had read almost all of them and couldn't decide if I wanted to read one I hadn't before or one of the few I hadn't read before.

I finally settled on Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein,' one I had read multiple times before, and curled up comfortably on the seat. I cracked open each of the windows and listened to the city sounds and breathed the fresh air as I read about the tragic life of Victor Frankenstein and the monstrous being he created.

About an hour later I had read about to the part where Victor had arrived at Ingolstadt when the slam of a car door startled me. I jumped in my seat, the nook almost flying out of my hand. I folded the page over and closed the book, setting it down beside me. Then I pulled one of the curtains back and looked outside.

Across the street a black car was parked and the there were three people emerging from the vehicle. The first was a girl. She was tall and had fair skin, though not as fair as my own. Her hair was long and black, pulled into a pony tail. She had on jeans, a sleeveless, shimmering black gauze top, and black heels to match.

The second was a boy. I automatically assumed he was the girl's brother due to the fact that they were oddly similar. He had the same skin and dark hair that fell into his eyes. He was tall and wiry, definitely about 6"3. He Didn't seem to care as much about his appearance as his sister though; he wore faded baggy jeans with rips in the knees, black lace up boots that weren't tied, and a dark sweat shirt with moth holes chewed into it revealing a white shirt beneath it.

Finally there was a third boy. He looked nothing like the dark and dreary siblings. He was pure gold. His skin a tan gold color, his golden blonde hair contained slight curls, it wasn't short but not long either. He was dressed simple but attractively in straight fit black jeans, a navy blue v-neck that fit to his chest perfectly and was tucked into his silver belt buckle. His shoes were polished black boots, his jeans pulled over them. Lastly I noticed the few black tattoos decorating his arms. He was stunning even from afar, and that terrified me.

"JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER MORGENSTERN!"

The shrill scream of my mother caused me to jump up, actually falling off the seat and thumping onto the floor this time.

"What!" Jon replied, I heard him thumping down the stairs. I pushed myself up off the floor and crept over to the floor, cracking the door open and sneaking out to peer over the staircase to see what was happening, extremely curious.

"I told you no friends tonight!" The redhead woman was angry; her arms crossed and her brows furrowed furiously.

"I'm sorry I already told them it was okay!" He defended.

She rolled her eyes. "Well you should have told them I said no!" there was a nock on the door and Jocelyn annoyed stomped over and flung it open.

"Umm… we can go if…" a soft female voice spoke from the other side of the door.

"No no, Isabelle it's fine," Jocelyn sighed. "You're already here come in." a moment later the three people I saw getting out of the black car across the street emerged from the hallway behind Jocelyn. "Jon, You are not off the hook for this."

"We were going to ask Clary to watch with us!" Jon Defended.

"Yeah I want to meet her!" The raven haired girl beamed.

My mother sighed. "No offense guys, you're all great. But Jon Do you honestly think she's going to want to?"

"I guess not.." He began. "But it never hurts to ask, right?"

"You go ahead and do that." She sarcastically said. "And let me know how that works. I'll be in my studio. Have fun." and then she was gone, disappearing down the stairs. The four people began to make their way to the stairs and my eyes grew wide. I bolted as quietly as I could from my spot over to my room, accidentally slamming the door shut behind me, cringing at my mistake. I ran over to the window seat and pulled my blanket over me and picked up Frankenstein, opening it up attempting to rebury myself in the book.

"What was that about?" a smooth voice asked.

I heard Jon chuckle. "Nothing. Just go get the movie running I'll be right in."

"I want to meet your sister!" the girl squeaked up.

"No not now." Jon told her.

"Whyy nott?" She whined.

"She's a bit… shy."

"Ugh fine." She sighed.

A moment later there was a knock on the door and the pale face of my newfound brother was peeking inside. "Hey Clary?" he asked, I looked up to meet his face. " Me and some friends are gonna watch Iron man… Want to Join?"

I shook my head in response, not wanting to say a word. It was extremely nice of him to ask, but, well, I was terrified of them, and I didn't even know their names other than my mother calling the girl Isabelle and guessing one of the boy's was probably Jace.

"Are you sure?" he asked sympathetically. I nodded my head in response and he shrugged with a smile. "If you change your mind we'll just be out here, okay?" I nodded with a small smile as he shut the door, leaving me alone in the room.

I sighed and laid my head back. I loved Iron Man. Damnit. why did I have to be scared? Why did I have to be so terrified that someone, no, everyone was going to hurt me? I was so, so, sick of living this fucking crappy life. It sucked! I mean I finally was rescued from the abusive life I grew up in and I was more terrified than ever.

I was interrupted from my thoughts when there was a knock on the door. I snapped my eyes open and sat straight up. "Y-Yes?"

The door cracked open. "Is it okay if I come in?" a girls voice. I nodded, hoping she somehow saw. And apparently she did because the door soon opened revealing the raven haired girl, allowing me to get a good look at the girl. She was extremely tall and slim. Her skin was flawless and her makeup was perfectly done and deepened her dark eyes. Her features were both soft and striking. She was gorgeous. I felt even more insecure just looking at her.

"Hey sorry to bother you. I'm Izzy, you must be Clary." She said, flashing me a bright smile. I nodded, forcing a small smile. "Um, I was just wondering if I could use your bathroom? I hate using Jon's so I usually just use this one."

I nodded. I honestly just wanted her to leave me alone. I mean don't get me wrong, she seemed super nice. It's just… I don't know how to make friends, in fact the thought terrified me.

She awkwardly walked into the bathroom and I attempted to bury myself in my book again, trying to move on from what just happened. A moment later the girl came back out.

"Uh, Thank you." I turned to her smiling face, forcing another smile upon myself. "Hey, uh, are you okay?"

I opened my eyes in shock. "H-huh?"

She pointed to one of her eyes in response. "you've got a tear.."

I slapped my palm up to my cheek, wiping it fiercely. I didn't even realize I had began to cry, it had just become so naturally to me by now I guess.

"I-I'm fine."

"Okay.. Well you know if you need anything, you know, to talk to a girl other than Jocelyn, or jon, Just ask him for my number and you can call whenever."

I gave her a smile and she left the room. My smile instantly faded and I looked down at the book with a sigh, giving up on it for the moment. It's not like I didn't know exactly what happened anyways. I sat up and made my way to the bathroom, creaking the door open and flipping on the light. I went into the medicine cabinet, retrieving the gently used razor blade. I set it on the counter and left the room once more, heading to the armoire and sliding my sweatshirt off, exchanging it for a black t-shirt. I headed back to the bathroom, picked up the blade, and slashed it across my skin.

I continued doing this every few moments as I stared at my messed up, ugly, bruised , distorted self in the mirror. My thoughts became cloudy and light as I slashed. And then…

"Shit!" I cursed under my breath, looking down at my arm where I had just cut. The crimson line was bleeding crazily. I had cut way too deep. This one actually hurt. I turned the water on and stuck my arm beneath it. The sting of the water flow hitting the open gash caused me to pull my arm away in pain. Pressure, that's what I needed.

I searched the linen closet and cabinets for a ragged towel, but came away with no such luck. Then my stomach growled. I growled and bolted out the bathroom door and to the door of my room. I creaked it open and peered out, making sure the hallway was clear. I tiptoed out of my room and down the hallway, stopping in front of the blue cave-like room. I peered in to see the four teen's engrossed in one of the Iron Man movies. I sighed in relief at their lack to notice my presence.

I tiptoed as quietly down the stairs as possible and softly padded into the kitchen, flipping the lights on. I scanned the room with my eyes. There! I ran to the sink and ripped off pieces of paper towel from the roll beside it, pressing them to my arm with a sigh of relief.

"Hey.." A voice said awkwardly. I froze in place and turned to meet a pair of surprisingly golden eyes belonging to a golden boy standing in the entryway. "You got everything under control there?"

"Uh- I uh I-" and then I ran out of the kitchen, holding the towels to my arm and pushing past the boy and bolting up the stairs and to my room, slamming the door violently behind me.

I'm so pathetic

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**Voila! Okay I hoope youy really like this chapter cause I'm not even kidding when I tell you it took me four days to write… haha.**

**Anyways it's a really long chapter and kind of a filler and I hope everyone is pleased with it… I like the way it turned out and so, ya!**

**I don't have much to say but I will update WYDK within the next few days, and then this! So keep an eye out!**

**MAKE ME SMILE AND REVIEW!**

**~Karissa**


	6. Chapter 6: Freeze

**Hi guy's! sooo I apologize for not updating in over a week! May is just a really busy month for me so it may be hard to update so often. I have my dance concert htursday and Friday until 9-10 this week, so I wont get home til late. Plus I have practice for it each day this week until 6:30. And I seriously have something booked for almost every day this week. And then I have a bunch of stuff going on later this moth which I already said and I'm actually supposed to be writing an essay right now… but I have an A in that class and I really don't feel like writing an essay… so I'll just turn it in late and update! Ha.**

**You guy's are the best. You leave so many nice comments and are so sweet you don't even know!**

**Okay soooo enjoy the update!**

**ps sorry this is probably gonna be really short and not very good at all, ive just been busy and havent had much time to write but i have been wanting to update badly!**

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**Chapter 6: freeze**

I fell asleep crying and succumbed to the nightmares, tossing and turning in my sleep.

I jumped awake, but this time it was due to a large bang as opposed to the horrifying images haunting my mind. I looked around the room, my eyes wide, scanning for the source.

Another loud bang identical to the first boomed throughout the house, causing me to squeal and fall out of the bed. I laid there frozen on the floor, tangled in the sheets and blankets that I brought with me on the fall down. I awaited the next bang, and when it came I cringed.

After laying terrified on the floor for about two more bangs I gathered the courage to use the bed to push myself to the floor and tiptoe to the door. I peered into the hallway and scoped it out. When I was sure the hall was clear, I snuck out and made my way over to the room where Jon hung out. I think I'll call it the cave, because it reminds me of a cave. Anyways, I peered into the blue room which was empty and dark.

Another bang caused me to jump and take off running. I landed at the heavily decorated door and started banging on the surface. The door creaked open when I knocked and I peered into my brothers room.

"J-Jon?" I called into the empty room. I looked around for any sign of luck, but soon walked out of the room, not having any luck. I walked over to the staircase and peered over the railing to look and see if the noise was coming from downstairs. Another bang. I jumped and looked up, which is where the sound seemed to be coming from. I hesitantly shuffled to the stairs and began shakily walking up them. Once I reached the top I pushed the door open and peered out onto the roof.

I made out four bodies. One was a tall guy, sitting on a lawn chair behind everyone else. The other three were standing up, their backs to me. One was a girl while the other two were guys. A moment later a loud bang erupted in front of them, a burst of fiery light and sparks flashing in an elaborate explosion.

I let out a small screech and jumped at the explosion, slamming the door open. The metal door came flinging back, knocking me onto the floor.

I laid on the pebbled ground of the roof. My head was a pounding mess and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Clary!" a male voice called out and I heard footsteps funning across the roof towards me. The person crouched down beside me. "Are you okay?"

I moved my hand up to clutch the bump beginning to form on my forehead. I nodded.

"What happened?" a female voice, Isabelle, asked.

"we must have scared her…" Jon said. "Clary, hey come on lets get you up. Jace help me."

Two pairs of strong arms began lifting me up by the arms and back and ushering me over to one of the lawn chairs. I opened my eyes slightly to see Jace and Jon in front of me, Isabelle hesitantly behind them.

"Iz get some ice." Jon spoke, looking at me with an unsure look on his face. The door slammed shut as the dark headed girl left the roof, causing me to jump and fall out of my seat and onto the gravel.

"Woah!" a deep voice shouted softly as I hit the ground with a wince. A pair of golden arms were reaching out for my waist and the face of Jon's golden best friend came into my view. His fingers brushed my sides and I instantly kicked him away and pushed myself up off the floor.

"Clary it's okay… no ones going to hurt you." Jon assured from afar. I nodded and made my way back to the lawn chair and stiffly sat back down in the lawn seat. I did all I possibly could to ignore my pounding headache and the three pairs of eyes on me as I focused down on the twiddling of my fingers.

I sat there in the awkward silence awaiting the return of the girl with the ice. The night breeze was chilly, and I was doing all I could to not shiver violently. The air smelt of the remains of explosions and the city. And New York was truly the city that never sleeps, for my ears were filled with the sounds of cars honking, sirens rushing through the streets, and music booming so loud I could hear if at least five miles away.

Soon there was the slight sound of the door creaking open and the trudging of heels on the gravel. I slowly looked out to see Isabelle walking towards me. She stopped beside Jon and Jace and stretched her long, wiry arm out. A bag of ice was clutched in her hand and I skeptically eyed the plastic bag. She nodded towards the bag, telling me it was okay to grab it.

I stretched out my shaky arm towards the bag, grabbing it from her hand. As my hand grabbed the bag I noticed how sickeningly pale my skin was compared to her flawless ivory complexion. As I brought the bag to my head, I looked up to see her face. I could only dream of being that pretty. Being in the presence of this girl just made any confidence I may possibly have basically commit suicide.

The second the bag made contact with my forehead I shuddered.

"We should get you inside." Jon offered, holding an arm out towards me to help me up. I stared at it for a moment before taking his hand and allowing my brother to pull me up. The moment I was on my feet I pulled my hand back to my chest.

"You okay there?" The boy, Jace, questioned. I nodded. "Here let me help you inside."

I made eye contact with his bright, golden eyes. They made me want to melt. But melting would mean death. And right now I desperately needed to find a way to survive.

I shook my head and ran. It seemed all I ever did was run from the boy, but he scared me. I couldn't let myself feel, because odds are he would just hurt me.

As I bolted to the door I could hear them speaking behind me.

"Should we go after her?"

"No." Jon said. "Let her run."

Then the door slammed shut behind me and I was running down the stairs and to the green room, jumping straight into the bed and creating a cave beneath the covers, closing my eyes until I finally drifted off to another nightmarish sleep.

When I awoke from the horrifying images in my sleep, it was unlike the other times. I was in a haze, not screaming and sweaty. I stretched out my arms and watched the sun dancing through the curtains that were swaying back in fourth due to the fan blowing air it's way.

I listened to the sounds around me. Silence.

I took a deep breath and smiled at the silence I had so long loaned for. I didn't do a thing besides lay there, watching the sun dance for probably around an hour or so. And then the ringing of a doorbell echoed through the house. I shot up out of bed and ran over to the window.

The black car across the street was gone and so was the other black one that sat in front of the house, leaving only the truck sitting in the parking space. The bell rang again. Curious as to who was at the door I stripped free of my clothing and shuffled through the armoire for something clean.

I settled on a pair of black leggings with some tiny holes decorating the fabric covering my knee and a navy blue crew neck sweat shirt that used to have a black and white logo for some band that was popular back in the 80's or whenever.

I ran my fingers through my hair before padding out the door of the room. I leaned over the railing just in time to see Jocelyn rushing to the door, disappearing into the hallway. A moment later I heard the door open.

"Hello Ms. Fray." a squeaky male voice interrupted.

"Oh, hello Simon!" my mother greeted. "Can I help you?"

"Oh uh…" The mouse like voice began, "Well I brought you some dinner from my mom, and well, you must have forgotten but last week you asked me to come over today and help-"

"Me carry up some art boxes to my studio. That's right. I'm sorry things are hectic around here." My mother apologized.

"No worries… I can come back another day if-"

"No! no! it's alright you're here now, come in." a moment later I heard the door shut and footsteps in the hallway.

Soon a tall, scrawny boy about my age wearing jeans, a graphic t-shirt, and a red zip up hoodie with brown eyes, dark curly hair, and large glasses was standing in my house.

"You know I only live four houses down?" he joked.

My mother laughed. "No worries." she then looked up, her eyes meeting mine. She gestured to me. "And that's Clary. My daughter."

The boy gave a sheepish smile and a small wave. My eyes grew large and I froze in place, not sure as to what to say or how to respond.

"Clary this is Simon, he lives just down the street."

I lifted my hand as if to wave but then quickly returned back to my new sanctuary.

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**I** **knowwww it's really short! But I just have not had much time to update but I really wanted to since it's been over a week and so I just typed up this kinda filler! So I hope it's alright! I have my dance concert til late the next two days but I will try and update this weekend, weather its hidden or WYDK!**

**Keep up the great reviews!**

**MAKE ME SMILE AND REVIEW!**

**~Karissa**


	7. Chapter 7: Messed up

**Hey there friends of mine. Also known as my readers. But to be honest I kinda do consider you guys to be my friends! Is that weird? Its just.. You are all so sweet to me and you are supportive in what I do and I do notice all the repetitive comments from users I get! I love it! You are some of the sweetest people I know, and I don't even know you! Just the fact that you take time out of your days to read my stories and review on them and support me when im just some strange girl behind a computer which if I didn't tell you I have dark red-brown hair, green eyes, pale freckled skin, don't even reach 5" tall and only weigh a whopping 95lbs or close you wouldn't know! (idk sorry bout that I just felt like maybe you may like to know the girl behind the words.) and the fact that I have already received happy early birthdays (my birthday is May 25th btw;)) from you and none of my friends, its amazing!**

**Guys…. COHF COMES OUT IN A WEEK IM FREAKING OUT! I have a half day on that day b/c of finals and im making my mom pick me up and take me to buy it hehehe im so excited!**

**Sorry its been a while since I updated, like I said this month is busy! I'm also sorry that the last chapter wasn't great, it was kinda just a filler. Anyways this story is probably gonna be pretty long, kinda like WYDK, but we'll see!**

**Thanks for all the great reviews! I love this it brightens my day more than you know! So keep it up!**

**Song: "Misery Business" By Paramore. An obsession of mine.**

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**Chapter 7: Messed up**

The next few days I hardly left the green colored room. I sat in there reading books. My hair was always a mangled, tangled, matted mess. I only wore sweatpants and either a sweatshirt or a big t-shirt. I showered multiple times a day, mainly for the peace. No one bothered me while I was in the shower, and if they did the pouring water drowned them out.

I loved showers. I always did but now I enjoyed them more than ever. They helped me think. It was almost like the steamy fog drifted into my head and carried out the mess. Only temporarily though, unfortunately. And occasionally, when the fog wasn't enough I would simply make small incisions on my arm and let the blood carry all my issues out; allow the fog to drift into myself from the cuts. It was my sanctuary.

No one was hardly ever home. Jon was already at school when I woke up, and my mom always woke me up before she would leave for work. Jon didn't get home until late. He was home early on that Tuesday, but I was pretty sure Jace was with him and he stayed until late, most of which I spent in the shower to avoid any possible confrontation.

Jocelyn would get home around six pm each night. She managed some art supply store in Manhattan and was required to be in the store from nine-five each day. The moment she got home the television would click the news on and she would begin to cook. The first few days she would do all she could to get me to come and eat dinner with her and occasionally Jon. But she gave up by Thursday and ended up just bringing me up a plate and a bottle of water or soda for me, which I picked at and after a few bites scraped into the trash.

I hardly left my room, as I previously stated. I only really left when no one was home between the hours or 11:30-3:00 to do my online school on the large mac computer downstairs in the den. Jocelyn had shown me how to use the desk top and left me supplies for my school work. I treasured every moment I had of online school, for this week was my final week. It was mid December and the semester would be ending soon. And when it started back up after new years I was going to have to go to public school. And even the thought terrified me.

Sure Jon would be there. But that didn't make me feel much better. I hardly knew him. Sure he was nice but he already reminded me so much of Valentine and it scared me. He scared me. Everyone scared me. Hell everything scared me.

Sometimes at night Jon would knock on my door and stand in the doorway trying to spark up a conversation. He asked if I was excited to go to public school and when I would shake my head he would tell me not to be afraid. He and Jace were Juniors and would be there. Which didn't make me feel much better seeing as Jace seemed to be the cocky asshole you read about in books and see in movies. Izzy would be in my grade, and don't get my wrong she seemed sweet and all. But she was also extremely beautiful and was probably a typical mean girl, like one of those girls in that Lindsey Lohan movie. Mean girls' if I'm correct. It was an alright movie but not my favorite. And then there was Alec, a senior. But his quietness didn't seem like it would be much help. So the fact that I would most likely be more lonely than ever made me even more terrified for the day that would shortly come.

When Saturday came I was relieved that Jocelyn wasn't barging into my room to wake me up at 8:00 in the morning. Instead I received the joy of waking up naturally to the blinding sun in my eyes at 10:30. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision. I looked around and let out a shiver at the chilly air. I stretched my arms out and looked around my room. My eyes rested on the small bookshelf where piled of books were strewn on the floor in front of the shelf, leaving the shelf empty of all literature. No new books to read. Well, other than the book I was in the middle of. To Kill a Mockingbird. A personal favorite of mine.

I picked the book up off the bedside table and propped by pillows up against the headboard so I could comfortably curl up and read my book.

Most likely an hour or two passed and I had a chapter left of my book before there was a soft knock on my door. I looked up to see my mother smiling at me from the edge of my bed.

"Hey Clary." she greeted. "Morning."

"H-hi." I shyly said, setting my book down, spine open on my lap.

"There is someone I would like you to meet. Is it alright if he comes in?" she sweetly questioned. I hesitantly nodded and she let out a beaming smile and turned her back to me to face the door. She used a paint crusted hand to motion for whomever was in the hallway to enter.

That whomever just so happened to be a tall, scruffy looking man. His brown hair was un-kept and shaggy. His blue eyes were framed with rectangular rimmed glasses. His slouched posture was dressed in jeans, tennis shoes, and a red and black plaid button up flannel. His shaggy appearance was also sort of homely and welcome.

"Clary this is my boyfriend, Luke Garroway." My mother smiled as she motioned to the man beside her.

"Hi." he awkwardly greeted. I waved. "Whatcha got there?" he asked, pointing to my book.

I looked down and held it up to show him. He smiled.

"That's a good book." I nodded in agreement. "you like to read?"

I nodded and turned my gaze over to the pile of books on the floor.

"You read all those already?" he asked. Another nod. "Looks like I may need to build you a bigger book case. Maybe get some books for it. You know, if you want I own a book store. I wouldn't mind donating you some books if you ever want to come to the store and pick some out."

"That's a wonderful idea!" my mother exclaimed, butting in on the conversation between her boyfriend and I. well mainly him. I just nodded as he talked. "Clary you need to get out of the house! How about you go to the store with Luke while I do some cleaning? He will take care of you."

I didn't really know what to say. Deep down I felt as if I could trust the man, I just wasn't quite sure as to if I felt I was able to go with him. Go out in public. I sat there, book limply in hand mouth choking on words and gaping open as they awaited an answer.

"If she's not ready Jocelyn don't push her!"

"I'm not pushing her! I was just suggesting!"

"Well maybe you were suggesting too harshly!"

"I was not! I just think she needs to get out!"

"She'll get out when she's ready!"

"I know! But we have to give her opportunities to get out!"

"It's only been a week Jocelyn!"

Enough. This… this fighting just reminded me of my father. I couldn't take it and I just… I just… "I'll go!"

As soon as I spoke they fell silent and their heads turned to look at me sitting there cross legged in the mess of blankets and sheets.

"Really? I mean that's great but if you really aren't ready…" Luke trailed off.

"It's f-fine. My moms r-right." I told him.

"I think it's wonderful." the redhead woman smiled. "Luke how about you go keep an eye on the boys downstairs and make sure the boy's don't burn the house down while I get Clary cleaned up. Can't have her going out in public looking like a raggedy anne doll."

Luke nodded, a faint smile upon his face as he exited the room, leaving me in the hands of my mother. I tried to appear calm but inside I was terrified.

"Did you shower last night before bed?" I nodded. All I did was nod. Pathetic.

She smiled and walked to my bedside and stretched out my hand. I slowly took it and allowed her to pull me up and drag me to the bathroom. She sat me down on the shut toilet seat and rummaged through the cabinets before pulling out a metal box that I had never noticed and set it on the counter beside the sink. She clicked the box open and began rummaging through.

"it's Izzy's box." my mother laughed. "She put it in here 'in case of emergencies' oh that girl makes me laugh. She's very nice, you know. You'd probably like her."

I nodded as I waited for her to find what she was searching for. And after a few moments of staring blankly at the wall there was a tugging at my hair and I jumped.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you. You're hair is just…well, a mess!" she apologized.

"It's f-fine." I told her. And so she continued. She brushed out each and every knot in my hair and used a light coat of makeup to cover the faint bruises on my face. She coated my eyes with a light coat of mascara to make my eyes pop before instructing me to brush my teeth while she picked me out something to wear.

I stood up and looked in the mirror as she left the bathroom. I looked like me. Only not like me at all. The skin on my face was still pale and dotted with freckles, but there were no bruises present. My hair draped my face in natural, soft looking curls. Still frizzy, but more controlled. The light mascara caused my green eyes to pop more than ever. I wasn't beautiful. Not even pretty. I knew that. But it was a vast improvement from the mess I was before.

"Clary! You almost done?"

I was snapped out of my thoughts and quickly began fumbling with the toothbrush and past set beside the sink. I quickly cleaned my teeth and threw the items into the cup set beside the faucet. I ran out of the bathroom and to where my mother was stood beside the wooden armoire.

"There you are. Here put these on and come downstairs. Some of this is mine, none of the items you had were really suited for going out. Especially in this weather" she told me, shoving a pile of clothes into my arms before exiting the room.

I stared down at the bundle of cloth in my hands before walking over to the window seat and setting them down. I began to pick through the bundle and pulled out a pair of jeans. I shrugged them on and next came a top, a jacket, and my shoes. I sighed and walked over to the armoire, opening it to study myself in the mirror on the inside of the door.

I looked even different. The pair of medium wash skinny jeans and laced up black, scuffy boots I received a few years ago as a Christmas gift were mine, but that's all. My mother had dressed me in a simple yet nice looking chunky green knitted sweatshirt that hung a tad bit lower in the back than it did in the front. Over that was a large black coat that hung to about my mid thigh. I sighed and shuffled out of my room and down the stair. My mom was in the kitchen writing something down on a piece of paper and the T.V. was booming some sort of action movie.

I cleared my throat and my mother snapped up to look at me.

"Oh Clary you look lovely!" she gushed. I muttered a thank you and avoided her gaze as she smiled at me from the archway leading to the kitchen. "Luke is in the living room and I'm just writing down my schedule for this next week, would you mind waiting a moment?"

I shook my head and she returned to her aggressive writing as I stood there awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, looking down at my boot-clad feet.

_ "Who knew someone sharing the same genes as Jon Could be so damn attractive." _

I jumped and turned around to face a blinding golden being clad in chunky, mismatched grey, white, and black socks. Dark colored skinny-jeans and a light blue long sleeved t-skirt.

"Uh…Uh…" I muttered out, eyes wide.

"At a loss for words red? I do have that effect on people" he smirked, a smug look on his face.

"I- u-uh." I looked like an idiot. He laughed.

"Do you speak English? Or is 'Uh' the only word you know? Because I haven't ever heard you say anything else."

"Jace stop being a jerk and let the poor girl be." I looked behind Jace to see Jon, the pale boy dressed in all black had a faint smile on his face and his arms were crossed.

Jace sighed. "It's fun!" he turned back to me and gave a quick wink.

"Come on man that's my sister."

Jace rolled his eyes. "You're no fun."

"Am too!" Jon protested

"You boy's are like children!" interrupted the soft voice of the redhead woman who finally emerged from the kitchen.

"Are not!" Jace and Jon said creepily at the same time, crossing their arms. God they were like twins.

Jocelyn rolled her eyes. "Your bickering says otherwise."

"He was trying to get with Clary!" Jon argued, pointing a finger to Jace.

"I was not!" the golden boy argued.

"Jace." My mother said in a demeaning voice, furrowing her brows. Her green eyes reduced to slits.

"What!?"

"Don't. don't you dare. Not Clary." My mother said, shaking her head.

"I don't see what the big deal is!" he shouted out. "I was just messing around!"

"Not with her." Jon butted in.

Jace sighed and walked past me and up the stairs muttering "fucking buzz kill cock-blockers."

Jon rolled his eyes and followed Jace up the stairs, and after a moment I heard a door slam shut and my mom sighed.

"What's up with Brit Boy?" a rough yet kind voice asked and my attention turned from the stairs which held the lingering scent of cologne to the scruffy man awkwardly standing in front of my mother and it.

"huh?" I questioned, confused as to who Luke was implying to.

"Jace." he clarified. "Didn't you notice his accent?"

"Oh, uh ya I-I guess." I mumbled in realization. "I never really paid any attention…"

My mom sighed. "Jace just being Jace. You know the usual."

Lukes eyes grew suspicious and he turned his head to look at Jocelyn. "You mean?"

"Most likely."

"Joce, that boy is going to get Jon into trouble one day, if he hasn't already." luke said firmly.

I was utterly confused at this point.

"I trust Jonathan." She stated. "Besides, Jace needs him. It's not that he isn't a nice boy. He just has such a knack for trouble. Poor Maryse doesn't know what to do. No wonder she just sends him over here almost every day. It's better that way though, I'd much rather have them here where I can keep an eye on them."

"I agree. Maryse and Robert, they're good people they just.. Well,"

"Have trouble controlling their children."

"Exactly." Luke sighed before turning back to me. "Well Kiddo, You ready?"

I looked down to my boot-clad feet then back up to Luke's eyes before nodding.

"Do I need to give you money?" Jocelyn questioned.

"No!" Luke replied. "No of course not! Joce she's your daughter. It's on me."

"Okay…" she replied, an unsure tone to her voice. "Have fun. Be safe. You look lovely." she chanted to me as I followed Luke out the door and to the semi-familiar rustic truck. I awaited the click of the door signaling it was unlocked before I pulled the door open and climbed in, buckling my seatbelt the second I was situated.

Luke pulled himself in on the opposite side of me, the truck rocked as he plumped down on the seat. He put the key in the ignition and the car rumbled to life as he buckled his own seat belt. I looked over and watched him as he maneuvered the car out of the street and onto the main road. I noticed that he had a brown leather jacket with a hood now draped over his flannel. I turned my eyes back to the road. The sky had turned grey and the sidewalks held light piles of snow. The bits of grass were frosted over and the sidewalks were coated in a layer of ice.

"It's getting cold isn't it." Luke said, breaking the silence with his comment on the cold, wintry weather.

I gave him a simple nod before locking my eyes on the sky. I loved it when it was all dreary and overcast. It made everything seem so, so calm.

"My shop's not far. Probably about ten miles or so from your mom's." he informed me. "Do you like rock music?"

I turned to him and gave a small nod. "I haven't heard much. But…"

"Great." he smiled. "I've got some CD's in the glove department. You can pick one out. God knows what awful music Jocelyn had exposed you to. I mean it's just odd. Its fine if you like it! But I just find it… awful. Don't tell her I said that! She would surely stab me with one of her art type tools, some of those things look sharp!"

I let out a small laugh at his comment before reaching in front of me to quite forcefully pull open the glove department. It snapped open to reveal a flurry of papers.

"There should be a case in there somewhere. I think it's blue. You may have to dig around a bit." Luke informed me, not taking his eyes off the crowded road in front of him.

After about half a minute of shuffling through the mess of papers and other garbage I bulled out the navy blue case and shut the glove box. I held the blue case in my hands and slowly zipped it open and began flipping through.

"Can I suggest one?" I looked over to Luke, who was glancing over to me out of the corner of my eyes. I gave him a nod. "Okay well it's in alphabetical order. Go to H. find Halestorm and pull out the album 'The strange Case Of…" it's a good one. I think you may like it."

I flipped through the case until I came to the album I was searching for. I pulled it out and handed it over to Luke. He popped it in the CD player built into the care, pressed a few button, and a moment later music filled the car. And oddly enough, Luke was right. I really liked it. Well so far. I kind of felt like I could relate.

I listened to the mixture of different rock sounds as I watched Brooklyn pass by me. After about fifteen- twenty minutes of driving and listening to the soundtrack, we pulled into an alleyway and Luke shut down the engine. He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door for me.

I took off the seatbelt and jumped out of the truck, the door slamming shut behind me. I followed the tall man around to the front of the rustic bookstore. He opened the door, the clinging of bells filled my ears as I walked in the door.

"Hello welcome to Garroway books how m- oh hey Luke!" a small soft voice greeted from the left side of the bookstore.

Hi Maia!" Luke greeted, walking over to the counter where a petite girl with dark skin and short curly skin was stood. "This is Jocelyn's daughter, Clary."

"Hi nice to meet you." She said. I waved.

"Maia lives in those houses across the street. She's your brother's age. She goes to school with them too." he informed me. "any sales?"

"An older man came in to buy his grandkids some Christmas gifts." she told him. "he bought the divergent series and of mice and men. That's it though."

Darn." he muttered. "Hey would you mind helping Clary pick out some books?"

"Sure!" she offered, stepping out from behind the counter. I could she that her t\petite frame was clad in fans, baggy army pants, a grey t-shirt and a black hooded jacket. I followed her through the store as she started scanning the shelves. "I feel bad for you."

"Wh- Why?" I asked, completely confused.

"Because you have to live with Jonathan Morgenstern and deal with that Perv Jace." she said with a roll of her eyes. "He comes onto every girl and I swear has slept with half the city."

"Oh." I muttered. The boy's actions suddenly more clear.

"He may be brutally attractive." She was right there. "But he's good for looking at and that's about it. He tried to get with me once. His mistake, Jordan, my boyfriend, gave him a black eye. It was actually really funny."

It was hard to believe that someone who looked so perfect was actually far from it. Actually… not really.

"Anyways here try these." She said, handing me a pile of books. I looked at some of the titles on the spines as she took them.

_ Speak, Paper Towns, The fault in our Stars, Girl interrupted, Divergent, insurgent, allegiant, The hunger games trilogy, The maze runner, Wintergirls, a abundance of Katherine's, _and_ It's kind of a funny Story _were among the pile of books she handed me.

"They're all really good I promise." She told me. "Now come on." I followed her back across the store to where Luke was stood at the counter. I set the books down and he began to ring them up with a smile. The girl Maia was beside him, a smile on his face as well. It was odd, having people be nice to me.

* * *

The moment I got home I ran up to my room and arranged all my books on the shelves. My books. It was weird, owning my own books.

I shuffled through the books and settled on the one titled speak. It looked good. I curled up on the window seat and began to read about the like of Melinda Sordino.

I didn't get very far into the book when I was interrupted by the sound of shouting, gunshots, and cars squealing. I jumped up with a squeal and threw the book onto the floor.

I slowly crept out of the room and to the Cave where I saw a video game being played on the television. Which I had no idea. I peered into the room from around the corner. Jon was sat on the couch, controller in hand, elbows on his knees. Then there was Jace. He looked like a mess. But a beautiful mess at that.

His golden colored hair was shagged up. His shirt was wrinkly and his eyes looked tired. He was leaning back into the couch; his feet atop the coffee table. His head was crocked to the side lazily and he held the controller limply in his hands.

"man are you even trying!" Jon shouted.

"I'm trying." Jace said lazily, his friends harshness not phasing him.

"No you're no- are you okay?" Jon paused the game, dropping the controller and turning to his best friend. Jave muttered something inaudible. "What?"

"I'm Fine!" Jace shouted in response, his tone unnecessarily harsh.

"Well you don't look fine." Jon responded attempting to remain calm. "Wait… Are you high?"

"What the fuck does it matter!" He shouted.

"Jace! I thought you were quitting!" Jon seemed mad.

"Why would I quit huh?!" The boy shouted, jumping out of his seat.

"Man! This has got to stop! You're ruining your fucking life!"

"My life is fine! Just Stay outta it!"

"I'm just trying to help!" My brother protested.

"Well I don't want your fucking help!" Jace practically screamed before sighing. "I'm out."

"Fine!"

Jace turned away from my angry brother and I quickly snapped away, standing in the hallway beside the wall. A moment later The boy came into view. He stopped and turned to me, taking me in. I took the chance to take him in deeper. His golden eyes were wild and red. Sweat gleamed on his hairline and he seemed on edge.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" He harshly asked me.

"N-noth.. Nothing…uh…" I stumbled.

"I said. What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Looking. At!" HE shouted again, cornering me against the wall.

"JACE!" Jon shouted from the other room.

"Whatever." He said with a roll of his eyes before disappearing down the stairs.

Jon soon took his place in front of me.

"Clary I'm sorry about him. You shouldn't have seen that." He apologized.

"It's ok. Not your fault." I quietly said. "But what was that ex-exactly?"

He sighed. "Long story."

"Tell me."

Another sigh. "Here come with me" he said, turning and walking to his room, leaving me standing there awkwardly. He reached his door, pushing it open before turning to face me. "come on, I don't bite. I swear." he called down the hall.

I took a deep breath and made my way to his room. He collapsed down on his messy bed. He took a deep breath and buried his face in his palm before sitting up. He smoothed out an edge of his bed and pushed himself down so he was sitting in the spot he smoothened out. He patted beside him and I sat sown net to him nervously.

"Jace is fucked up to say the least." He blurted out the moment I sat down. "I can't really tell you everything. Hell I don't even know everything. But kinda like you he hasn't exactly had it easy. What I can tell you is this. When he was ten, something happened. If I were to tell you what he would kill me. But anyways, it screwed him up. Then when we were twelve he got adopted by the lightwoods and that's when we first met.

"He was odd. This quiet boy with a British accent and a bad temper. Anyways All the boys in our middle school had a crush on Izzy. But they knew not to mess with her or you would have to deal with her brothers. But I was an idiot and hit on her anyways. And that's how I met Jace. We were inseparable from that point on. Then when we got to high school, we were living the dream. Every girl wanted us. Every guy wanted to be us. But Jace was still messed up. And things started getting to his head. We would go to party's and smoke pot, get laid and stuff. Just usual partying stuff. But he took it too far.

"He started taking other drugs. Drinking too much, sleeping with too many girls. And then it started becoming a regular thing. He just… didn't know how to stop. I tried to help him. We all did. We all do. It will work for a while. But it doesn't stick. He always ends up relapsing. We just can't get him to stop. He can be a nice guy. If he wanted to. But he's not. Sure he has his moments. Mom doesn't know just how bad it is. And Clary.. You need to stay away."

* * *

**Voila! I know it's super long and I really hope you like it! It actually took me like three days to write, and theres a lot of info in it.**

**I know im sorry for making jace fucked up. But it just makes the story even better! And I have met people like this so im doing all I can to make it realistic.**

**Anyways… MAKE ME SMILE AND REVIEW!**

**REVIEW!**

**REVIEW!**

**~Karissa**


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